Tonight I did something I haven’t done before in all my 27 years of existence— I went to the movies by myself*. I have to admit that it wasn’t entirely by choice. I have been dying to see the new Twilight fan (call me a nerd if you wish) and unfortunately it came out in the middle of my 2 week vacation so by the time I was back in town, most of my friends had already seen it. I re-read the book on vacation as well as re-watched the first 2 movies so I wanted to see #3 ASAP. As I was back at work today, I decided that I needed to just go see it by myself and not wait to find someone to go with. So, I went straight from work to the theatre, bought myself a ticket, and sat down alone in an empty theatre.
I felt pretty much like a loser for the first 15 minutes or so (which seemed longer). I was the absolute only one in the theatre and I worried I was going to have my own private showing until more people started coming in right before the movie started. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly embarrassed as other people started arriving and saw the girl sitting all by herself. The more I sat there, the more I realized I didn’t mind so much and that’s when it hit me…
What has happened to me? The me from 10 years ago would never have done this! Heck, the me from 5 years ago probably wouldn’t have done it either! It’s funny that some of the people in my life that I’ve met in recent years think of me as a relatively outgoing person. I can’t help but laugh at the thought of myself as outgoing and I flash back to memories of childhood through the beginning of college when I think I was anything but.
I know I haven’t completely gotten over my self-conscious feelings (and I don’t know I ever will) but its exciting to look back and see how far I’ve come. I guess you could say I’ve “matured” but I’ve also gained a lot of self confidence. For the most part, I’m happy with myself. I know God completely has a plan for my life and sadly I don’t always realize it until I can look back and see the ways in which He has been working and orchestrating every event and growing me into the person I am today. I know I have a long way to go but I’m glad to have a Father to lead me every step of the way!
*Note: I realized after I wrote this post that there was in fact another time when I watched a movie by myself but it wasn’t quite the same thing. At my previous job, I had to audit a movie theatre and in between observations I needed to do I had the chance to watch a movie of my choosing for free. I was the only one there from my Company so I went and sat down to watch a movie alone. I feel this is slightly different because I was there for work and it was like a Tuesday afternoon so there was hardly anyone else there (I think only 2 other people were in the theatre with me).
