Looking Ahead to 2011

{ January 2, 2011 @ 3:21 pm } · { Faith }
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I’ve never been one to really make New Year’s resolutions.  Sure, there are lots of things I always say I would like to do whenever a new year is starting but like most people, my goals are more wishes and little to no action is taken on my part to see them to fulfillment.  I recognize that this shows the lack of discipline I have in my life.  I tend to blame it on the fact that when I have a lot of goals, I get overwhelmed to the point that it incapacitates me.  While this is true, I use it as an excuse and convince myself that there is no way that I can change it.  I am starting to realize that I’m wrong to think this way.  If I can’t change my natural reaction to things, I have to look for a way to change the “things” to produce a better response.  Does that even make sense?

Here’s where I’m trying to go– instead of setting myself up for failure by making a list of all the things I want to accomplish in 2011, I’m going to pick one.  Yep, just one goal.  And this goal has to be specific– when I over generalize it leaves room for me to be lazy and then just give up when I’m not succeeding.  So, I am going to set one specific goal right now and when I accomplish that goal, I will set myself another one.

My first goal for 2011?  Read through “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.  I realize I’m about 8 years late in getting around to this (story of my life!).  I have a bad habit of buying books that people recommend and then they just sit on my bookshelf until I get around to reading them.  I counted last night and there are over 50 books on my bookshelf that I have yet to read.  50!!!  And to think I even bought a new one today!  So, I decided I needed to start reading these books, one at a time, and thus my first resolution for 2011 was decided.

I think “Purpose Driven Life” is appropriate for me at this stage in my life as I’m trying to determine what God’s specific purpose for me is.  I know the overarching answer is that I was created to glorify Him, however I want to really drill down and try to find the specific purpose He has for me– the thing I should be using my gifts and talents for.  It’s a journey I’ve been wanting to go on for a couple years now and while I’ve done a few things here and there, I haven’t committed myself to a thorough examination and search for the answers.

Day 1 is done.  Here’s hoping I can stay committed for the next 39 days.  If I miss a day, I won’t let it discourage me and I will start again anew.  I pray that God helps me as I try to discipline myself in this small way as I journey to discovering my purpose in life.

From the Inside Out

{ August 20, 2010 @ 3:41 pm } · { Faith }
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For the past 2 years I have been volunteering with the high school ministry at Buckhead Church– first as a member of host team and now (as of May) as a small group leader to an awesome group of senior girls.  North Point choose the name “InsideOut” for high school and I think it is so appropriate because that is the desire I have for myself and each one of my girls.  My desire is that we would all be so consumed with the love of God that we allow him to change us from the inside-out….just like what is described in what is one of my favorite worship songs. 

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace

I feel like I fail A LOT.  It is hard not to sit around and wait for the ”bad stuff” to happen because of how I’ve messed up.  I am so thankful for the promise of God’s mercy– the act of Him not giving me what I deserve.  I feel I don’t deserve His love after all the times I prioritize other things in my life over Him.  And when I do mess up my natural reaction is to say “I promise I’ll never do it again!” but I know that wouldn’t be a true statement.  I tend to make the same mistakes over and over but thankfully, His grace is right there waiting for me!

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

I love knowing there is no end to God’s grace and mercy because they are part of who He is and He is forever!

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Giving God control should be a no-brainer yet, being a control freak, this can be very challenging.  For whatever reason, I still would like to believe I can handle things.  My sinful nature still likes to believe that God has enough other stuff going on and that I should just take care of certain things on my own.  I need the words of this song to become a daily prayer for me as I strive to let my whole person be a reflection of Christ.

All By Myself

{ July 13, 2010 @ 12:00 am } · { Faith, Random }
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Tonight I did something I haven’t done before in all my 27 years of existence— I went to the movies by myself*.  I have to admit that it wasn’t entirely by choice.  I have been dying to see the new Twilight fan (call me a nerd if you wish) and unfortunately it came out in the middle of my 2 week vacation so by the time I was back in town, most of my friends had already seen it.  I re-read the book on vacation as well as re-watched the first 2 movies so I wanted to see #3 ASAP.  As I was back at work today, I decided that I needed to just go see it by myself and not wait to find someone to go with.  So, I went straight from work to the theatre, bought myself a ticket, and sat down alone in an empty theatre.

I felt pretty much like a loser for the first 15 minutes or so (which seemed longer).  I was the absolute only one in the theatre and I worried I was going to have my own private showing until more people started coming in right before the movie started.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly embarrassed as other people started arriving and saw the girl sitting all by herself.  The more I sat there, the more I realized I didn’t mind so much and that’s when it hit me…

What has happened to me?  The me from 10 years ago would never have done this!  Heck, the me from 5 years ago probably wouldn’t have done it either!  It’s funny that some of the people in my life that I’ve met in recent years think of me as a relatively outgoing person.  I can’t help but laugh at the thought of myself as outgoing and I flash back to memories of childhood through the beginning of college when I think I was anything but.

I know I haven’t completely gotten over my self-conscious feelings (and I don’t know I ever will) but its exciting to look back and see how far I’ve come.  I guess you could say I’ve “matured” but I’ve also gained a lot of self confidence.  For the most part, I’m happy with myself.  I know God completely has a plan for my life and sadly I don’t always realize it until I can look back and see the ways in which He has been working and orchestrating every event and growing me into the person I am today.  I know I have a long way to go but I’m glad to have a Father to lead me every step of the way!

*Note: I realized after I wrote this post that there was in fact another time when I watched a movie by myself but it wasn’t quite the same thing.  At my previous job, I had to audit a movie theatre and in between observations I needed to do I had the chance to watch a movie of my choosing for free.  I was the only one there from my Company so I went and sat down to watch a movie alone.  I feel this is slightly different because I was there for work and it was like a Tuesday afternoon so there was hardly anyone else there (I think only 2 other people were in the theatre with me).

It’s All Because of Jesus

{ April 2, 2010 @ 1:37 pm } · { Faith }
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I know I am horrible at blogging.  I’ve heard some people say that you have to be at a “certain point” in your life where you’re ready to really do it and I guess I’m not there yet.  Part of me blames it on the fact that I feel like I just don’t have anything really interesting going on.  I stay pretty busy but there’s not a lot going on that I feel is “blog worthy.”  On the other hand, I’m a big thinker– I have been for as long as I can remember.   The initial purpose of this blog was to get some of the thoughts that are constantly swirling through my head “down on paper.”  Well, I still have the thoughts but I’m not too good at getting them out :)

Okay, enough about my blogging struggles since I think I talk about it everytime I actually sit down to write something…

Today is Good Friday– the start of the Easter weekend.  Yet another holiday that has been “commercialized” to the point that people forget what we’re really celebrating.  I pray that I would never forget– never forget that everything in my life is because of Christ and that the freedom I have today is because of his great sacrifice of love.  One of my favorite worship songs:

Giver of every breath I breathe
Author of all eternity
Giver of every perfect thing
To You be the glory
Maker of Heaven and of Earth
No one can comprehend Your worth
King over all the universe
To You be the glory

And I am alive because I’m alive in You

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
It’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
That covers me and raised this dead man’s life
It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
I’m alive, I’m alive

I’m kind of hoping we sing this tonight at the Good Friday service at Buckhead Church ;)  My prayer is that I wouldn’t let the picture of what Christ did for me on the cross be something I think of once a year but something that is integrated with my day to day life.  Looking forward to the service tonight and even more to celebrating the Resurrection on Sunday!

Piece of Me

{ February 10, 2010 @ 5:55 pm } · { Random }
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Thanks to the ever-increasing popularity of Twitter, many celebrities have started “micro-blogging” about what’s going on in their lives.  I for one enjoy following some of them and I am now starting to understand how ridiculous some celebrity news stories can be.  A celebrity will Twitter something and suddenly its a big news story on all the major Hollywood news sites.

If I was a celebrity, I would be happy with this change as now they can actually control what is said about them!  I would much have someone reporting on something I actually said than making something up based on some rumor.  Granted, the news reporters can still twist what a celebrity tweets into a fictional story but at least Twitter gives the celebrities a way to defend themselves.

Those that know me know that I love pop culture and I usually can tell you what’s going on with all the celebrities.  I think following entertainment news is a lot more enjoyable than following the real news– which can be really depressing!  I do feel sorry for the celebrities in the fact that they have almost their every move captured by paparazzi.  Look at what all the constant attention did to Britney Spears!   I’m glad she was at least able to make fun of the situation with her song,  ”Piece of Me.”

I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)

Its a weird position to be in when I want the paps to leave the celebrities alone yet I’m one of the ones who can’t wait to read/see what my faves were up to.  There needs to be some kind of balance and I think Twitter helps that– if we can see pics and get news from the celebrity themselves, why do we need someone else to get the news for us?

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

{ December 29, 2009 @ 4:02 pm } · { Faith }
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Patience is a virtue that many people, especially believers, struggle with.  I feel there are a lot of things I’m waiting on God for and my constant prayer has always been for more patience.  I sit back and quietly wait until God brings me whatever it is I am waiting for.  Last night, God sort of “hit me over the head” and showed me that I’ve been going about this the wrong way.  As I’m sitting in the Waiting Room (side note: Jeff Henderson did a great series on this at Buckhead Church), my focus has always been on whatever it is I’m waiting for and as a result I have been selfish.  My waiting has been consumed with “me thoughts”– how what I’m waiting for is going to fulfill my needs and my desires.  I’ve let the focus be on me and what I’m missing/lacking and as a result, I’ve been drowning in my own self-pity while what I wait for seems far in the distance.  I have been focusing on what I don’t have and allowed myself to believe that God has chosen just not to bless me yet and I just have to continue being patient until His timing is revealed– another me-focused thought.

The verse that struck me was Matthew 6:24: “”No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money” (NIV).

In the verse, Jesus specifically uses “money” as the example of another master people try to serve but I think you can substitute any idol that we tend to put before God.  In my case, I’m recognizing that I am the other idol.  When I am focused on satisfying my own needs and desires, I am being self-serving.  As Jesus says in the verse above, I can’t serve both God and myself.

God is showing me that I need to readjust my focus.  Instead of focusing on the things I’m waiting on, I need to focus on Him.  My vision should be totally consumed by my Savior and His Glory.  I need to be satisfied with Christ alone and by delighting in Him, I can trust that He will “grant me the desires of my heart” (Psalm 37:4).  Thinking about this reminded me of a hymn I grew up singing:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

I love those last 2 lines.  “The things of earth”– all the things I’ve been wishing for and waiting on, pale in comparison to “His glory and grace.”  When my focus is on Him, I’m not left waiting and wishing and struggling to be patient.  When my focus is on Him, I have everything I need and can be satisfied with His love alone.

This of course is nothing new– I think I’ve known all this stuff all along but sometimes God uses things in my life (in this case, a book I’m reading) to wake me up and give me the “ah-ha” moment where His Truth sinks in.  And thus, I have my 1st goal for 2010, however its something I’m going to start working on now in these last few days of 2009.  I want my focus to be Christ and Him alone.

Workin’ Hard for the Money

{ November 17, 2009 @ 6:04 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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One of the things I love about my church is the fact that I am constantly having my eyes opened to simple truths in the Bible that I had previously overlooked or perhaps forgotten about.  Its easy when you grow up in church (I have been faithfully attending since 9 months before I was born) and attended a private Christian school for 7 years complete with numerous Bible classes.  I have a lot of Biblical knowledge and I think its easy to get caught up in all the theology and miss the simple things.  Anyway, back to my reason for writing this post.

We just finished a series at church called “@work” (watch it online here if you haven’t already seen/heard it- well worth it!).  I’ve know the story of Adam & Eve and “The Fall” for as long as I can remember and in the back of my mind I think I also always associated “work” with the punishment that came after Adam & Eve disobeyed God.  I always thought of the verses in Genesis 3:

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’
“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food…”

Well, in the series our campus pastor Jeff Henderson pointed us back to a verse in the previous chapter:

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” (Genesis 2:15)

Now, I’m sure I’ve read that verse many times before but I don’t know that I ever stopped to think about the fact that it was talking about work.  God had Adam working before “The Fall.”  Therefore, work is not a result of sin and shouldn’t be looked at as punishment.  Definitely gave me something to think about.

I’m a hazard to myself

{ October 28, 2009 @ 7:19 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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The fact that in my last post (back in September) I said I was setting a goal to start blogging once a week and this is the first time I’ve written anything is very discouraging to me.  It seems to be the story of my life in that I always have these great intentions of stuff I want to do and then I never seem to be able to follow-through on it.  Like Pink says in her song, I sometimes feel like “I’m my own worst enemy.”

So what’s the solution to this problem?  I’ve discovered it can be summed up in one word- DISCIPLINE.  Discipline is something I’m severely lacking in my life and that’s not a good thing.  Sure I’m good at making all kinds of excuses but at the end of the day it still comes down to the fact that I don’t always do what I know I should do (didn’t Paul have a whole section in one of his letters with that theme?).

Since I know discipline is the problem, how do I go about becoming more disciplined?  I’m learning that you have to take things one at a time; and beyond that, one day at a time.  I’m starting to set small goals for myself for areas of my life in which I need to be more disciplined.  Its started with my sleeping habits– I’ve been working on sleeping in my own bed instead of the couch every night and also at waking up on time so that I can get to work on time.  I’m doing much better but I know I still need to improve.

The next goal I believe will involve going to the gym and on a spiritual level, I want to start reading through the Bible using The Message daily devotional.  I bought it a couple weeks ago and now its time to start reading, one day at a time.  I’ll let you know how it goes =)

It Takes a Little Time Sometimes…

{ September 2, 2009 @ 11:04 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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So I’ve decided I’m not very good at this whole “blogging” thing.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about (trust me- I have plenty I want to say!), its just that I never seem to find the time to sit down and write out my thoughts.  This is kind of a reflection of how my life is right now– so many ideas/goals/intentions that are never realized or accomplished because I can’t find the time to get them done.

Now, I’m the first to admit that the whole “not finding time” thing is my fault.  I recognize that the biggest thing I’m lacking in right now is DISCIPLINE.  Its not like I have any less hours in my day than everyone else- I just don’t know how to properly manage them.

I’ve decided that the only way to help myself with this problem is to set little goals.  When I look at what I want to do as a whole, I get overwhelmed to the point where I don’t do anything.  So, my goal for the next week is to write down my goals =)

First goal is probably going to be to start blogging at least once a week.  I don’t know if anyone ever reads my blogs but at least its an outlet for me to express my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, etc. so I want to continue doing it at least for myself.  Here goes nothing!

Back to School Again

{ August 8, 2009 @ 7:26 pm } · { Random }
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It’s August which means its Back to School time!  I haven’t been “back to school” since August 2004 – five whole years ago – but I still get excited around this time of year.  Why?  4 words: Back to School shopping!

I still get so excited when I walk into Target or Wal-Mart and they have their special section up with all the new school supplies.  I no longer have a list to go by but I love browsing through to see if there is anything I “need”.  A box of Crayola Crayons for $1?  I’m sure I would use them sometime =)  One thing I’ve been searching for this year and have yet to find is a top-bound spiral notebook with a pretty design on the front.  For whatever reason I have decided these are my new favorite kinds of notebooks so I’ve been on a search for some to use for various things.  So far my search has been unsuccessful but I will keep looking.

Aside from a few minor supplies, my big “back to school” shopping purchase this year was a Macbook Pro.  I’m not one of those “crazy Apple-obsessed people” (at least not yet!) but I’ve been wanting a laptop and I felt this was the best option just because of their performance and security.  I’m still trying to figure this thing out but luckily I have lots of Mac friends that can help me out =)

Aside from the excitement this time of year brings, there is one major negative: TRAFFIC.  Yes, school starts back and traffic gets worse.  I’m not looking forward to driving to work Monday morning but I know I’ll get used to it like I have to every year.

In honor of Monday, I might just have to put “Grease 2″ in to watch the opening number as they sing “Back to School Again” and wish that I had gone to a high school where we sang and danced all the time =)

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